It doesn’t take long to find a personality compatibility test online. For anybody who is at the early stages of a relationship, these online tests can provide the reassurance they need. One of the most popular tests, the Myers-Briggs personality questionnaire that breaks down your personality into four specific traits – I for introverted or E for extroverted, N for intuition or S for sensing; F for feeling or T for thinking, and J for judgment or P for perception – can be a valuable source of information when it comes to defining your relationship strengths. Admit it; you’ve taken the Myers-Brigg test to find out more about yourself. But did you know that you can use your results to figure out how you behave in a relationship and what type of personality is best suited for your partner? If you’re looking for trustworthy and reliable results, using a personality questionnaire is going to prove more helpful than relying on Tarot cards, horoscope, or even Chinese zodiac signs. As time passes, the need for reassurance about the relationship generally dies out.
There are typically two reasons why people who are already in a relationship might want to find out more about their compatibility score. Firstly, because they have a happy relationship and hope to find something amusing they can laugh about with their partner. Secondly, because they are not happy in their relationship and they are wondering if there is an underlying cause for the situation. If you find yourself looking for an answer about your partner’s behavior, chances are that you have unknowingly entered a dysfunctional relationship. Dysfunctional relationships are often the results of incompatible personalities, such as people with violently different political opinions, for instance. Some personality types are simply not made to be together. In rare cases, you might have met someone whose personality disorder makes the relationship impossible.
Narcissists are among the most destructive personality types. In a relationship, they can cause a lot of emotional and psychological damages. More importantly, due to their disorder, they can have a tendency to manipulate and use your feelings for their own satisfaction. Admittedly, it’s hard to define whether you’re dealing with a case of a narcissistic personality disorder unless you’re a trained psychiatrist. However, there are some signs that can help you to better understand your partner and handle the relationship accordingly.
What Is A Narcissist?
First of all, you might have heard a lot of narcissism, but more often than not, it is a term that is often misused to describe self-centered individuals. Instead, you might want to get back to the medical definition of a narcissist. The narcissist is someone who thrives on feeling special and unique in their life. Ultimately, we all want to feel special from time to time, but for the narcissistic personality, there’s a real addiction to the feeling, which can cause them to take action to secure their “special” position intentionally. When this happens, the narcissist puts the sense of uniqueness as a priority for their happiness. This sensation of being better than others and admired becomes the sole driver of the relationship. It replaces their interest in the other person, or even in the couple. As they establish themselves on a pedestal, they are not afraid to use other people to fulfill their need for admiration. It is crucial, at this stage, to understand that the narcissist has developed their personality disorder as a response to a painful experience in their past, a period during which they felt weak and helpless. Beware, however, recognizing that narcissism is defined by pain and insecurity doesn’t excuse the way they treat you.
Beware Of Manipulative Affection
The narcissist is not afraid to bind you to their will in order to create the feeling of being special they crave. More often than not, you’ll find that the narcissist is affectionate and attentive during the courting stage, as he gets to know you and learn how to manipulate your emotions. Ultimately, his goal is for you to admire him and make him feel unique. His affection and kindness are solely targeted at encouraging yours. Therefore, if you notice that your partner doesn’t show you kindness every day it might be a cause for worry. However, it can be helpful to keep a clear mind. Someone people might become distant in their relationship as a result of stress in their professional or personal life. Everybody deals with stress differently, and without appropriate stress relief, it can be tricky to regain the intimacy and love of your relationship. However, someone who’s going through a lot of pressure will not be able to fluctuate in their affection as effortlessly as a narcissist. They will remain distant until they can manage their stress levels or until the underlying issue is resolved. On the other hand, a narcissistic personality is more likely to withhold his affection as a punishment to you if he thinks you are not offering what he craves.
He Doesn’t Listen To You
A narcissist wants to be loved and admired. The last thing he wants is to listen to what you have to say – unless you are talking about him. Here again, you need to be careful not to jump to the wrong conclusions. Someone who isn’t paying attention is necessarily a narcissistic personality. He might be going through a rough time, for instance. He might be too tired to focus. Or he may just be thinking about something else. But every narcissist develops a pattern to take over the conversation. Typically, he will dictate what the conversation is about, which means that you might not get a chance to discuss your day. Additionally, he may be keen to interrupt you to drag the conversation into his preferred direction – with one exception, which is if your partner is passionate about a topic and wants to let you know everything about it! Ultimately, a conversation is an exchange; it’s the occasion for you to build a safe place for you and him. Your discussion should be all about your us. When it’s all about him, your relationship is dysfunctional.
He Makes Promises He Refuses To Keep
Everybody breaks promises once in a while. Whether you didn’t schedule your time correctly or you were scared of saying no, some promises are broken on the way. Sometimes, unforeseeable events force you to cancel your plans. But, when you’re dealing with a narcissistic personality, promises are rarely kept. After all, someone who wants to be admired is going to lie to you about what they can and can’t achieve. Similarly, they are likely to make promises to get you to do their bidding and break them when they don’t need you anymore.
He Has A Trophy Complex
You are not equal. A narcissist sees themselves as better than you. That is, ultimately, part of the disorder. As a consequence, he is going to try to convince you that you and everyone else are below him. At first, it might be the little things, such as correcting you when you speak – regardless of whether or not you make a mistake. A narcissistic personality’s favorite answer starts with a “but” because he needs to prove you wrong. He also has a grandiose personality; he’s most likely to claim that you or others would be completely lost without him.
How Do You Get Out Of The Relationship?
When you start putting the clues together, you may come to the conclusion that your partner has, indeed, a narcissistic personality. You can’t expect him to change overnight and start respecting you because, ultimately, he values himself over you. But you can gradually take back control creating your boundaries. Reconnect with friends and relatives who can help you to go through a hard time. You can also work with a divorce lawyer to define clear separation rules and protect yourself. The hardest thing you’ll ever do is to walk away, especially if you’re a naturally emphatic personality. It’s in your nature to care for others, and that’s precisely why your partner chose you.
It Takes Time To Find Your Inner Self Again
Relationships with narcissists are often described as abusive because your partner is not afraid to manipulate your emotions to fulfill his addiction. At first, you will find it difficult to redefine who you are. But use positive affirmations in your daily routine to find your way out of the darkness. Treat yourself like you want others to treat you, with love and respect. This starts with your lifestyle; a healthy lifestyle will help your mind to recover.
Is there no hope for narcissists? While psychologists unanimously agree that you should avoid a relationship with a narcissistic personality at all cost, recent studies show that things may not be as hopeless as they seem. Exercises designed to monitor commitment, egotism, and empathy have been able to demonstrate slight transformations in narcissistic behaviors.
You can’t train a narcissist to become a better partner at the moment. However, we can be optimistic that in the future, targeted therapies and treatments might see positive results. Maybe the narcissists of today will be the emphatics of tomorrow.
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