Losing One Parent Is Hard, But Losing Both Parents Is Unbearable

Last year I lost both of my parents. In April 2022, my mommy passed away and in September 2022, my daddy joined her. I have a video of them dancing together, which I really like going back to and watching all over again and again. I took it on one regular day in our living room – my dad spontaneously started dancing and asked my mom to do so with him. Back then I had no idea that I will cherish it till this day when they are gone. Having said that, I do believe that they are dancing together again in heaven.

They inspire me every day – the people they were, the work they did.

My mommy taught me how to love and care for my loved ones. How to work full-time and still make home cooked dinner for my family. My daddy taught me how to be independent and entrepreneurial. How to when you do something, do it well or not do it at all. All I am today is because of them and I couldn’t be more grateful to have them as my parents.

On one very cold afternoon, someone knocked on our door. It was winter in Suwalki, Poland. It must have been Saturday or Sunday, because my parents, my brother and I were all at home at that time. We didn’t expect anybody so my dad, as the head of the family, opened the door. When I came downstairs I saw a man who doesn’t speak Polish, but my parents talked to him, because they used to (had to!) learn Russian at school (so they remembered a little bit of it). Later on, I found out that he was from (back then) Yugoslavia so he could understand a little bit of Russian, as well. Nevertheless, the man was beaten up, Yugoslavia was at war during that time and he walked from over there and got to Suwalki, Poland, which is over 1,000 km away! He was very cold and very hungry. His shoes had holes in them, his jacket was very dirty and ripped in few places. He claimed he knocked on each door on the way, but no-one would open the door for him until he got to our house. What my parents did in this case? My mom swiftly made him a warm meal and packed some food for him, my dad gave him his winter shoes and his favourite jacket that he got when he visited Canada. Keep in mind that we were not a wealthy family, but struggled to buy enough coal every fall to last for the whole (very cold) winter. I was a kid and had no idea what is happening back then, but I remember this day so well and what my parents did for this man that they didn’t even know. It brings me tears to my eyes and I don’t know if I ever step up to their level of care and love to another human, a complete stranger.

I remember so well that one day when I was about 23 years old, I came from work after having a bad day. My mom, of course, noticed that something is wrong and asked me why I’m sad. After I opened up to her, I “broke” and shed some tears. When my dad entered the room, my mom told him right away what happened. I don’t think he had a chance to even notice that I’m crying at that point. I love it so much how they both cheered me up and supported me. My parents always wanted me to be independent and told me many times how they see that I am. Once I turned 18, everything was up to me, my decisions in life, etc., but they were always there if I needed them to guide, support and/or encourage. That’s exactly how I want my daughter to be and know that her daddy and mommy are always here. Yes, let’s say you’re 18 so (there’s a Polish saying that my parents loved telling me:) “how you make your bed is how you sleep”, but if anything, we’re always here for you.

When you lose one of your parents, it’s very heartbreaking. When you lose both and so close to each other (in my case 5 months apart from each other), my heart feels like it’s being driven by road rollers back and forth all day long and at night whenever I wake up. All I have is my family that is my strength – my husband and my daughter, who whenever sees me crying, asks me: “You miss babcia (-grandma in Polish) and dziadek (-grandpa in Polish)?” After I nod my head, she’ll say: “Don’t worry we call them… You’re smiling now? You’re happy now?”. It’s hard not to smile after hearing it from this beautiful little mouth and be happy with what I have and cherish it each and every day!

This is exactly what my mommy and daddy would want me to do.

I miss dancing with you daddy to our favourite songs and I miss watching movies with you mommy while you rub my feet. Guess who I’m dancing with (except my hubby) and rubbing feet without even realizing that I’m doing it, yes, Lily’s while we watch a movie or a cartoon together.

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